Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Wow look at me two days…. Two posts!!! Hard to believe I know but another blogger out there got me to thinking about some things and I just have to tell you what I learned as a result… if you want to read a wonderful blog entry check out www.silverfendertele.blogspot.com it will bless your socks off!!! Any who here is the thing… one of the things mentioned in the above noted blog was a distant memory that has hung around in the back of her mind subtly influencing her perception of self… intriguing how the words people carelessly spew forth at us have a lasting effect on our lives. I guess the thing is that we each have the option to choose how deeply and how long we allow such things to shape us and our view of self… I didn’t even realize I had just such an experience that has skewed my view of self the last 20 years… (wow that seems like a really long time) how about I share that with you now???!! Okay even if you said no I am going to tell you any way!!! J
I was in the 9th or 10th grade when this particular event took place but I still remember the classroom I was in the desk I sat in and the face of the boy who so nonchalantly informed me that I would never be asked on a date by any guy. There was a school dance approaching and we were discussing the details during a down time at the end of Spanish class. I mentioned that how fun I thought it was going to be and that is when those scaring and yes offensive words were spoken… (his name was John) he said “why are you even thinking about the dance? No guy in school or anywhere would want to go with you!” Although I was shocked and hurt I have never been one to allow such a thing to pass by unchallenged. So I said “why would you say that?” I must have looked somewhat intimidating because he began to stammer and tried very unsuccessfully to recover… he stuttered out something about me being too much of a “jock” to get a date he seemed to be relatively sure he spoke for the entire male population… although I never let him know those words went right to the core of who I was and lodged themselves there until today…. I have spent the better part of my life assuming those words were absolute truth.. I have never quite seen myself as attractive or desirable to the entirety of the male species. As far as I was convinced there was always someone prettier more desirable and more likely to be asked out than I could ever begin to imagine for myself… why would any man want to date me?? After all I had been told in the 10th grade by the wisest of creatures the teen age boy.. that I simply was not the type of girl any boy would want to spend time with for any reason… so I allowed myself to be driven by that lie… I allowed what I had heard in passing one time from a hormonal testosterone driven boy that I was not his ideal for a date and it never ever occurred to me to question it… of course this was not a conscious thought process but nonetheless it is what has shaped my view of self in a profound way for very nearly 20 years….. that my friends astounds me BUT what astounds me all the more is that for whatever reason God chose today to show me this flaw in my thinking…. Maybe I was not ready to hear it before now.. I really don’t know but that really isn’t important any way… what matters is now I see the truth…. The truth is that I am a smart, funny, kind, caring, desirable woman. But even beyond that and eternally more important is that I am a daughter of the most high God… He has chosen me to walk with Him… He created me!!!! He designed me!!!! All that I am was done on purpose for His pleasure.. He delights in me!!! He loves me… and He says that I am a work of art!! I look to Psalm 139 to see how special I am to God…. He says before I was formed in my mother’s womb He knew me… that all the days of my life were written out by Him… Jeremiah 29:11 says He has a plan to prosper me!!!! To bring me hope and a future!!!! In Romans He tells me that I am His poem…. How cool is that??!!! So why have I spent 20 years allowing what a teenage boy said define how I saw myself when the God of all creation says such amazing and wonderful things about me… certainly God’s opinion is much higher and certainly more accurate than some kid!! So why did it take me so long to realize that?? I doubt I will ever know the answer to that question so I will just rejoice in the fact that the Lord revealed this flaw in my thinking today… and He has forever solidified within me that I am His little girl and He has made me special desirable and beautiful!!! He has the perfect man out there for me to join my life to and that man won’t ever think I am too much of a jock to take on a date!!
I was in the 9th or 10th grade when this particular event took place but I still remember the classroom I was in the desk I sat in and the face of the boy who so nonchalantly informed me that I would never be asked on a date by any guy. There was a school dance approaching and we were discussing the details during a down time at the end of Spanish class. I mentioned that how fun I thought it was going to be and that is when those scaring and yes offensive words were spoken… (his name was John) he said “why are you even thinking about the dance? No guy in school or anywhere would want to go with you!” Although I was shocked and hurt I have never been one to allow such a thing to pass by unchallenged. So I said “why would you say that?” I must have looked somewhat intimidating because he began to stammer and tried very unsuccessfully to recover… he stuttered out something about me being too much of a “jock” to get a date he seemed to be relatively sure he spoke for the entire male population… although I never let him know those words went right to the core of who I was and lodged themselves there until today…. I have spent the better part of my life assuming those words were absolute truth.. I have never quite seen myself as attractive or desirable to the entirety of the male species. As far as I was convinced there was always someone prettier more desirable and more likely to be asked out than I could ever begin to imagine for myself… why would any man want to date me?? After all I had been told in the 10th grade by the wisest of creatures the teen age boy.. that I simply was not the type of girl any boy would want to spend time with for any reason… so I allowed myself to be driven by that lie… I allowed what I had heard in passing one time from a hormonal testosterone driven boy that I was not his ideal for a date and it never ever occurred to me to question it… of course this was not a conscious thought process but nonetheless it is what has shaped my view of self in a profound way for very nearly 20 years….. that my friends astounds me BUT what astounds me all the more is that for whatever reason God chose today to show me this flaw in my thinking…. Maybe I was not ready to hear it before now.. I really don’t know but that really isn’t important any way… what matters is now I see the truth…. The truth is that I am a smart, funny, kind, caring, desirable woman. But even beyond that and eternally more important is that I am a daughter of the most high God… He has chosen me to walk with Him… He created me!!!! He designed me!!!! All that I am was done on purpose for His pleasure.. He delights in me!!! He loves me… and He says that I am a work of art!! I look to Psalm 139 to see how special I am to God…. He says before I was formed in my mother’s womb He knew me… that all the days of my life were written out by Him… Jeremiah 29:11 says He has a plan to prosper me!!!! To bring me hope and a future!!!! In Romans He tells me that I am His poem…. How cool is that??!!! So why have I spent 20 years allowing what a teenage boy said define how I saw myself when the God of all creation says such amazing and wonderful things about me… certainly God’s opinion is much higher and certainly more accurate than some kid!! So why did it take me so long to realize that?? I doubt I will ever know the answer to that question so I will just rejoice in the fact that the Lord revealed this flaw in my thinking today… and He has forever solidified within me that I am His little girl and He has made me special desirable and beautiful!!! He has the perfect man out there for me to join my life to and that man won’t ever think I am too much of a jock to take on a date!!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
so do i want to say tonight?? i am not too sure.. the last few months i have been doing really great in all areas of life... God is so gracious and merciful... lets see in the last 7 months i have gotten a promotion at work i have gone to MO 5 times... the call center i manage has not fallen below the projected service level since i took over in april... people are happier and productivity is amazing.... things are going well at church..... i have a new hair style and so many other things... but what i thnk is the most encouraging thing that has happened is that i have become such a the glass is half full type person.... and let me be the first to say that being positive and optomistic makes life so much more enjoyable.... you know i even feel better physically!!! i guess that positive mentality promotes a joy that simply sets in and takes total control of your life...you start to notice the little things so much faster adn appreciate them so much more... and it takes you out of the driver seat of your own life and allows God to have the full control He not only wants but also deserves.... i dont think i have ever so enjoyed being out of control!!! knowing that i dont have to have all the answers and plans really frees me up to enjoy life... i see the joy life truly holds and i appreciate it in a new way that i didnt understand until oh say the last 8 months!!! i am not sure that i can pin point the exact time this took place but i know that i am grateful that it finally has become a way of life for me..... so i guess simply put i would encourage you all to do the same.... allow God to take control embrace the silver lining mentality look for the good side in all situations... i promise joy everlasting will fill you to overflowing and you will be a better you!
